Somebody Stole My Leg

I woke up this mornin' 'bout a quarter to one
I looked down and saw my leg was gone
I jumped off the bed and fell flat on the floor
Man, I felt rotten - down to the core

Oh baby! I guess I'm gonna need a peg!
Oh ba-hey-by! Somebody stole my leg!

I got to the hospital 'bout a quarter to three
The doctor said, "Man, you're missin' a knee!"
I jumped off the cot and fell flat on my face
Man, let's face it - I was a hopeless case!

Oh baby! I get on my knee and beg!
Oh ba-hey-by! Somebody stole my leg!

Well, nowadays I can't drive my car
But I don't mind 'cause I never go far
People look at me everywhere I go
So if you see a leg lyin' around somewhere, let me know!

Oh baby! I guess I'm gonna need a peg!
Oh ba-hey-by!
Well, I hop to the east and I hop to the west
That was the leg that I liked best
Oh baby! Somebody stole my leg!

Ramble Number Zero

As the sun loves the moon
As Ward Cleaver loves June
As Romeo loves Juliet
And Ozzie Nelson loves Harriet
As Superman loves Lois Lane
And Spiderman loves Mary Jane
As Pyramus loves Thisbe
And every kid loves Disney
I love you

Fuhr Rebekah

My love is like a peachtree
In ways I do not know
My love for her a secret I
I cannot show

My love, she is a beauty
The like mere eyes never see
My love, alas my love
She is not for me

In the Station of the CTA

Orange juice pools on the floor at my feet
Dripping from a McDonald's cup
No one stops to clean it up

The Love Song Of Sirhan Sirhan

Pay to the order of this and that

The comely sum of tit for tat

For services rendered where and when

Check post-dated there and then

Total is due upon receipt

To keep our ledger books clean and neat

Enclose with check S.A.S.E.

Do it now A.S.A.P.

O Hippopotamus

O Hippopotamus

Your friends all call you Hippo

O Hippopotamus

Let me borrow your Zippo

'Cause I need a smoke

And I know you got fire

You're a fire-breathin' Hippo

If Ever I Should Lose My Sight

If ever I should lose my sight
I’d ask my last vision to be of you
That I might carry into that dark night
Your golden image glimpsed anew
Your raven hair, your crimson lips
Your alabaster skin
Those pale blue eyes that launched a thousand ships
And mesmerized gods and men
O let me gaze upon you now
That I might yet survey
She who makes Aphrodite bow
And hold the dark at bay

Obsession

Lake Michigan roiled and tumbled onto Lake Shore Drive

As the Thames lapped at its banks

And the Atlantic and Pacific ebbed and flowed with the moon

Crying, “you are mine…you are mine…you are mine…”

November

Let's talk about sports, let's talk about us
Let's talk about sex, now don't make a fuss
It won't hurt to just talk about it, will it?
Wait! See that bug? Think I'll kill it.
There! No, I missed it. Oh well, now where...?
Oh, yes, I was about to comment on your long golden hair
And how it splays across your shoulders, so creamy and soft
And then, those lips, of which I've dreamt so oft-
en. How I'd love to kiss them, to hold you in my -
What? No, no, it rhymed. The "en" was on the other line
But it doesn't matter, really, these are post-modern days
And anything goes, thus comes my malaise
There used to be rules to live by, structures to hold onto
Now there's nothing, that's why I want to
Cling to you like Que Queg's coffin in Moby Dick
(Maybe that's too obscure, perhaps I'd better stick
To post-modern references and pop culture allusions
And pander to the masses to avoid these confusions)
At any rate, I digress, and this poem's become a mess
But, then, it reflects where I am without you, I guess
A rambling wreck, the unknown specimen tossed in the centrifuge
Flying apart, grasping for something, some sort of refuge
And that's you, I'm afraid. Hold me, kiss me, just let me know
For one instant, one moment, that I'm loved

Ramble Number One

I gazed into your eyes and saw
My own reflection, and I thought
She is looking at me as I am looking at her
And there's no place we'd rather be

And then I thought,
Does my hair look all right?
Isn't the part too severe?
If i shake my head a little...

"I love you," I heard you say

but not like you're thinking,
in a cindy and bobby brady sort of way

meaning,

I'll dress up and be in your magic show
but don't ask me to kiss you
'cause, even though we're not really brother
and sister, that's how I'll always think of you

But that was all in my head
You didn't say it

"I love you, too," I heard myself say
Looking at you and thinking,
"what is she crazy? she's her and i'm just me
she of the flowing locks, me of the severe part
she with the lips you just know
she was the one fifteen years ago
with the cherry life-saver flavored chapstick
you could just taste..."

I kissed your lips and breathed your breath and thought
This is real. This is right. And this will last
Forever

And maybe. Just maybe
I might get some

The Bargain

You must listen closely now
For I've a deal to make
I will love you all my life
And all others forsake

In return I ask for naught
No, not even your love
For that you've given already
Could fill the skies above

But, if you persist
And if you love me still
And if you give me all your love
As I hope you will

Our love will fill the heavens
And every eye shall see
The brightest stars in all the sky
Pale beside you and me

Hanging By A Thread

Take a little spool of thread

And make yourself a noose

Wind the knot 'round thirteen times

Make sure it won't come loose

Put the noose around your neck

And climb upon the chair

First, make sure the door is locked

And no one else is there

Fix the thread to the roof somehow

Rafter or pipe will do

If you find that that won't work

Just use tape or glue

Now kick the chair and you will fall

The thread, you see, will snap

And you'll get up and brush yourself

And go and take a nap

A cautionary note I must

Add to my little song

You won't, I hope, use a rope

That would be all wrong

And don't use a fishing line

Or even high tensile thread

The rope, you know, would make you choke

The others might lop off your head

Love Song Over the Cuckoo's Nest

My baloney has a first name
But we won't get into that
My girlfriend has a better name
And her brother's name is Pat

She says she loves me all day long
And I know that it's true
She says it on the tv screen
She's always wearing blue

I've never met her all my life
But I have always known
She'll come see me tomorrow night
In my white room all alone

The City Dreams

The city dreams in fitful sleep
Of the wild it used to be
Of trees so tall and forests deep
And lilacs on the lea

The forest lies awake at night
Anxious for the day
When men will come upon the sight
And build a city gay