The Age of Disillusion: Chapter 1, In Which Han Shoots First

Feeling more than a little like Robert Langdon, I waited patiently for the library doors to open.

Inside lay the Holy Grail, I’d convinced myself. The definitive article. The original document. Biblical in scope, full of war, sacrifice and incestuous undertones.

Finally, the doors opened and the crowd filed in. I trudged up the stairs and found the object of my desire.

A book is a dangerous thing, someone once said. Once you pick it up, your life may be forever changed. This weighed on my mind as I searched the stacks. In moments I would know. I would know if my memory was correct, if what I believed was true all these many years would be proven true. At the same time, I knew that if my beliefs were proven correct, that would mean that the creator had gone mad, that he no longer spoke the truth. What horrors the world may hold when God lies.

I found the small, weathered tome, tucked in next to some giant Ludlums, and quickly scanned the pages, searching for the relevant passage.

Oh, what book, you ask? None other than…

STAR WARS: From the Adventures of Luke Skywalker by George Lucas, Ballantine Book Club Edition, December 1976.

This was it! This was like the Dead Sea Scrolls. A contemporary account of the beginning of a worldwide phenomenon, not just inspired by, but written by the creator himself. (Well, I’m pretty sure Alan Dean Foster actually wrote it, but it bears Lucas’ name, and, one would assume, his blessing).

The yellowing pages still felt crisp to the touch, and there she lay, the White Whale, on page 87 (reprinted below):

“Something that might have been a laugh came from the

creature’s translator. “They’d hardly notice. Get up, Solo. I’ve

been looking forward to this for a long time. You’ve embarrassed

me in front of Jabba with your pious excuses for the last time.”

“I think you’re right.”

Light and noise filled the little corner of the cantina, and

when it had faded, all that remained of the unctuous alien was a

smoking, slimy spot on the stone floor.

Solo brought his hand and the smoking weapon it held

out from beneath the table, drawing bemused stares from several

of the cantina’s patrons and clucking sounds from its more

knowledgeable ones. They had known the creature had committed

its fatal mistake in allowing Solo the chance to get his hands

under cover.”¹

Han didn’t only shoot first. Han just plain shot.

I’d never understood why George never blamed the controversy on the editing. It would have been simple to claim that his intent was mangled in the editing room. His ex-wife edited the film, for Yoda’s sake! If you can’t blame something like that on your ex-wife, what can you do?

Of course, now I know the truth. It’s all been revisionist history. I’m sure it comes from a good place, the same place Steven Spielberg was operating from when he changed the guns to walkie-talkies and flashlights in E.T. And if he’d just admit that fact, things would be settled. But he won’t, and now we know.

If you haven’t read the book, or haven’t in awhile, I recommend it. Be ready for some stomach-churning glances between brother Luke and sister Leia, though.

Well, that’s it for this post. Now I’m on to my next adventure. Apparently, Mark Evanier has some startling claims about Stan Lee’s role in the early age of Marvel Comics.

1. George Lucas, STAR WARS: From the Adventures of Luke Skywalker (New York: Ballantine Books, 1976), 87.